I wrote this blog 6 months ago and never finished or posted it.
"So, I am recently realizing that I am terrified of other birthmothers. I always find myself beginning to read other birthmother's blogs, and just a few posts in, I leave the page and then avoid birthmother blogs for months. One thing I was excited about when I moved to Provo was that there were a lot more people here, and probably more birthmothers too. I hoped a birthmother support group so badly, yet, I've lived here for 6 months and not once called the number I have to find out when the group meets. So, in spite of my love of adoption, why do I avoid other peoples adoptions so fervently?
I have only ever met one other birthmother (that I was aware of) in real life. Her name is Liz, and I met her when I was about 6 months pregnant. One Sunday, I decided to go to the Student Branch at my church, and the lesson in Relief Society was on Chastity. That started out as an awkward lesson, with obviously pregnant me sitting in the room, but it turned out to be a blessing. The teacher talked about all the normal things concerning chastity, but then Liz talked about how when she was 17 she got pregnant and placed her baby for adoption. My mind was blown, because at that point I had just started seriously considering adoption. I think now that Heavenly Father had a hand in me ending up in a different classroom than I normally was, because if I hadn't been there, I would have never found out that Liz was a birthmother. After class, I asked Liz for her number and if she would be willing to have lunch with me sometime and talk.
That phone number sat, unused, in my phone until a week before I was due (about 3 months). I wonder why I waited so long to talk to Liz, because by that point, I had already made my decision. I think maybe it was because I didn't want her adoption and experiences to influence my decision. I wanted to make an unbiased, completely true decision based on my beliefs and circumstances. So a week before I was due, I finally texted Liz and we met for lunch. "
Liz ended up becoming a fantastic friend to me and I love her to death this this day. But she doesn't live in Provo :(. So finally, last Friday I called the phone number from the LDS Family Services office in Provo and found out the time and meeting place for the Birthparent Support Group. And that is where I spent my evening today.
I was terrified to go. What if all the girls were really weird? Or mean? Or negative about adoption? I had read birthmother blogs from girls who years and years after the adoption are a wreck still. I wasn't sure how I would handle it if I met someone like that. Adoption has been such an amazing thing in my life, what if I was confronted by someone who didn't feel the same?
All my fears were for nothing. The Birthparent Support Group was fantastic. Seriously, these girls were awesome. There were four of us who had already placed, and two who were considering/about to place. The other three girls who had placed had wonderful, amazing, positive adoption stories and we spent most of the two hours together just talking about our adoption stories and asking each other questions and absolutely raving about how awesome our baby's parents are (I love you, Jared and Amy!). The other two girls about to place talked about their situations and asked us all questions and discussed their plans. It was just such a beautiful experience sitting in a room with five other girls who has been through the same things I have.
I am so glad I finally gained the courage to go out and meet these other birthmothers. I am definitely going to keep going to Support Group, not because I struggle with the adoption or my decision, but because there is just a camaraderie between birthmothers that cannot be found anywhere else. It's like a solace in the understanding between women who know we all fought for the same thing: our baby's future.
