DATING SUCKS.

So, as most of you know, I moved to Provo a few months ago. When I first moved here, I was in a semi-relationship with Kelton, and while I was definitely interested in dating, it wasn't much of a priority for me. I had Kelton and I didn't really mind if other guys weren't asking me out. Then Kelton died, and suddenly I had all this free time from when I used to be on the phone or Skyping or hanging out with him. And now, I really want to date.

But wanting to date is not enough, somehow I have to get guys to ASK me on dates. About a week ago, I went to an institute class where this dating coach lady, Alisa Goodwin Snell, came to speak. Now, she was a great speaker and everything she said made alot of sense, but it also reinforced that I absolutely suck at getting guys to like me. She had a whole list of what guys want/like when they meet a girl, which are listed here:

Acting cool, casual, indifferent, and flat in her body language (i.e. acting like a pal), tells a man she does not have faith in him or trust his ability to respect her feminine, vulnerable, or softer side.

Giving a man her number, calling him, or asking him out (without his pursuit of these things first) robs him of the challenge, sacrifice, and accomplishment that he needs to engage in if he is to value and appreciate her.

Refusing a man’s help not only tells him he is not needed or important, it also denies him the opportunity to experience her appreciation and to feel like a hero.

(http://itsyourtechnique.com/2011/02/17/7-signs-he-sees-you-as-a-pal-not-a-gal/)

All of which I pretty much do not do, or if I do, it is not frequently. That's just the way I am. I'm not super flirty or feminine acting. If I want a guy to text me and he hasn't asked, I give him my number, do with it what he pleases. And if I can do something, I will do it myself, the way I want it done. But, according to Alisa, these things turn off a guy because they don't make him feel masculine or needed.

But why should I go out of my way to make a guy like me? I'm not feminine and needy in relationships, so why should I act like I am? And why would I want a guy who needs me to reinforce his masculinity by acting feminine? I am comfortable with myself the way I am: pretty, smart, and capable. I've gone through an entire pregnancy without a male companion, I don't think there is much I need a guy for. But I want to get married and have kids someday, and disppointingly enough that requires a man. Also, I enjoy being in love, as long as it is a healthy sort of love.

My theory on all this is that the man I marry will love me the way I am. I don't think I should change the way I treat men, my future husband will recognize my indepenence and strength and not be threatened by it. So, while I may not get as many dates as a girl who is good at the above mentioned techniques for getting boys (which there is nothing wrong with), I will remain confident in the idea that the guy I will marry is out there and will find his way to me somehow. One of many times that Kelton and I were discussing love and relationships via Skype, he said to me "Well if he is the right one, he will wade through that river, scale that wall, and come to you." I've never forgotten that, because none of the other guys matter, except the right one.