A second chance at being young.

I had to grow up in 9 months. I don't know about you, but I think that's pretty fast. I was thrust from being an average high school kid, selfish and irresponsible (like any high school kid should be), into the adult world of babies, finances, and responsibilities. I struggled with it, like any teenager would. It wasn't fair! Why did MY life suddenly have to fall apart? Why did I have to work and go to school and be pregnant all at once? There are kids out there who do alot worse things than what I did, and they didn't face the choice that I had!!! I felt separated from my peers, from my siblings, from everybody! My sisters would have friends over, and I'd try to talk and joke with them, but it didn't feel right. They all just looked at me wierd, kind of how I used to look at my dad wierd when he joked with my friends. I wasn't one of them anymore. But I wanted to be! So badly, I wanted to be 17 again. I hated having to be mature. I hated having to think like an adult, act like an adult, be an adult! But I didn't get the choice, not if I wanted to do what was best for my baby, because if I had been immature about my choice, I would have kept her. So I put on my big girl panties, grew up, and placed my baby.

And that choice has had an unexpected outcome for me: A second chance at being young!!! Of course, I'll never be the same again. I still feel slightly separated from other kids my age, but I think I'll always feel that way, because not many people to go through what I have and do what I did. But I do get to think of myself a little more. I get to hang out with my friends until midnight and sleep late in the mornings and joke about cute boys. I get to have fun without worrying if my baby is okay and I get to buy things for myself with my money. I get to be a kid again....just a smarter one this time! :) And one who appreciates the lack of responsibility of being young.

Now, I didn't place my baby because I wanted to still be a kid. I love Sunshine to death, and I would have kept her if it wouldn't have negatively affected her. But it would have, so I placed her, because that was what was right. And I was completely selfless in that decision, so I think I deserve to be a little selfish now, right?