Is it wierd to wonder why I am okay?

It's 3 1/2 weeks since I placed Sunshine (that's what I'm calling her, because her parents don't like to put their kid's names out for the world to see) for adoption and I feel like I should be hurting more than I am. Or at least that people think I should be. I feel like people think I'm a bad person for being happy with my decision. I feel like everyone expects me to be absolutely devastated that I placed my baby for adoption. Or that they expect me to regret it. But when you know something is so right, how can you be sad about that? When you know that you did whats best for the person you love more than anything else, how can you be devastated? It doesn't hurt me to talk about her. The thought of her doesn't make me break down into tears (not often at least). And I don't think I will ever regret it.
I hear about other birthmoms who have and do struggle after placing their babies. That they're depressed for weeks afterwards and have postpartum depression and have regrets and all sorts of things. I don't feel that way, but I feel like people think I should and if I don't then I didn't care about my baby enough.

Maybe I'm doing so well because I prepared myself as much as humanly possible beforehand. I prayed constantly and studied the scriptures and talked to people I was close to and tried to anticipate everything I thought I would feel. I would cry for hours and hours before I had Sunshine, just thinking about it. Maybe I was already healing before she even left, or I was just so ready for it that I was able to heal easily.

Maybe it's because I had to go back to my life so quickly. I had Sunshine on a Monday, and the next Monday I was back at school. And a week and a half after going back to school, I went back to work. Maybe I have just been so busy that I haven't had a chance to feel bad for myself or feel depressed. I've kept moving forward and not let myself get stuck in the past or the "what could have been"'s if I had kept her.

Maybe it's because I don't feel like I lost her. I don't feel like I'm missing out on her life or that I don't know if she's okay, because I'm not. I get pictures of her all the time, and if I ever want to know how she's doing, her mom is just a text or a phone call away. Maybe it's because it's such a wonderfully open adoption. I never expected half as much as what I get from Jared and Amy. When I was considering adoption and trying to select a family, I had wished that I could have an adoption that was very open. But I didn't think I would get that, I assumed that people who were wanting to adopt wouldn't want me "intruding" on their lives too often. But I accepted that fact and went forward with my decision. But Jared and Amy were exactly what I had wished for, and maybe that complete trust and openness is why I'm okay.

Maybe it's because I feel God and his love so strongly in my life. I feel strengthened and upheld by him every day. Maybe it's because of Christ's Atonement. He atoned for our sins and afflictions, and made it possible for us to repent and have our burdens lifted. And because I am trying harder than I ever have before to be righteous, he is blessing me by taking so much of my pain away. I know without a doubt that the Holy Spirit is with me each day comforting me and reinforcing that my decision was right.

Maybe it's because I have so much love and support from all my friends and family. Maybe it's because I know I will get to see Sunshine again (hopefully soon). Maybe it's because I know so strongly that she really is Jared and Amy's daughter and I can't imagine taking that from them. Maybe it's because regretting it or feeling depressed wouldn't change anything.

Maybe it's a combination of everything above. Maybe everything in my life has come together so wonderfully that it has made it possible to come through this with love and hope and faith and I really shouldn't question that.